I’m watching a video on building igloos in the Arctic Circle and feeling a bit spaced out.
Today’s postponed.
There were plenty of plans to traverse the border ridge buried in lingering snow using seal skis and igloos for a long-distance mountain hike. From several options, I decided on this one yesterday, packed a week’s worth of rations into my backpack, sent the plan to “Compass,” and arranged for GPS tracking with my wife.
This morning, after an early start and finishing a bowl of brown rice, I got to the point of just needing to put on my shoes and step out the door when I felt like calling it off. It wasn’t a whim; it was the heavy feeling of “pre-mountaineering” that had been weighing on me since last night and just wouldn’t lift.
To be free.
If I had commitments with others, or if it were a precious weekend with limited time, or if I had already booked a flight ticket, I might have gone anyway. But right now, I am free. If I postpone it to tomorrow, all I need to do is correct the date on the plan.
Perhaps it’s because of the front stretching along the southern coast of the archipelago, but the clouds in the eastern mountain foothills are low. The clouds were thick and dark all day yesterday too. It might be because of the weather. A little rain on the day of entry shouldn’t be a big deal for a long mountain hike.
Conversations with my family after deciding to postpone feel like entering a world beyond the crossroads of fate, where casual conversations become interesting. Maybe stories that weren’t supposed to be heard or exchanged. It’s very enjoyable. And I feel the freedom of deciding whether or not to go mountain hiking. The freedom of the vacuum left behind by the postponement is also appealing.
But will I experience the pre-mountaineering tension again for another night? Well, once I’m out there, it’s all fun. No, I should embark on the hike when I’m excited from the night before. I shouldn’t be bound by the habits of limited-time play from my days as an employee forever. Life is ahead of me.
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